Can I really be so old?

This Saturday my oldest daughter will turn 2o years old. Now I know I turned 20 once, but having been born when my mother was 23, my turning 20 could not have had the same kind of impact on her as my daughters is having on me, (could it)? Akasha was born the May before I turned 30 (having married at 27). The thing that confuses me, is that I can remember her babyhood so clearly, it just couldn't have been 20 years ago. Still, she will be leaving to finish her four year degree in August, and she may never return for any real length of time again. My husband was a Naval officer when she was born, so he had to leave for an 8 month tour in Spain when she was 10 days old. We had a very bonding but exhausting first 8 months. She did not like to sleep in her bed, so I spent many nights holding her in the recliner watching CNN and or the very new Lifetime channel. (And Rosie O'Donnell when she was still hosting Music TV). Well my first baby is a baby no longer, (and I am no longer almost 30). The young woman she has become is very confident and I am given many compliments in regard to what a fine young person she has become. It is my hope that one day, she too will have a daughter that brings her as much joy as she has brought us. If you think of it on Saturday, be to wish her a Happy Birthday with us :)!

No Dogs

This weekend was a welcome relief. Saturday was the first weekend in a long long time that I didn't wake up to feel the heat of some "project that had to finished" nipping at my heels. For the first time in too long, my family's laundry was washed and folded by Sunday night. I was able to sit down and watch the new "Sense and Sensibility" (both installments) with my 20 year old that really wanted the extra time. It was nice to get to breathe deep for a little while... now I've got a paper due by Sunday and a power point presentation to make, so... the heat is on, but... perhaps after a the rest it will be easier to face. We shall see.

The things we do for love

Going to school, teaching and raising a family leads to a life of continual priority confrontation. I was able to stay at home and "be there" for my two older children, and then began to substitute when my youngest started middle school. There have been days and moments at my present position, when I've received that long dreaded call " mom, I'm throwing up and I don't know know what I should do". These were very hard moments, esp. since I was not able to hand my SDC class off to another teacher. Mine is not the kind of class that most general ed. teachers can deal with comfortably. Guilt/ Guilt on both mother and teacher levels. I have also run into a problem when I need to write a paper at the same time my college age daughter or my Jr. in High School need help writing papers of their own. Pretty much, my work needs to slide to the back of the desk until their work is finished and their questions answered. I have to make sure that there is never any doubt that they and their dad were always my first priorities. Its probably not the general attitude of many if not most working wife/mothers today, but... for me, it is hard, but very key!

why is this so scary

Now I know how that deer feels when it gets caught in the headlights. I am afraid that this class has managed in a week to remove any confidence I might have accumulated in my 24 years of home computer experience. As I've shared before, I have been a straight and narrow word processor, e-mailer and researcher, I've hit roadblock after road block this week, I've not been able to post to other peoples blogs, and I wasn't able to open their projects to comment on other people's case studies. I am hoping I can get the info. I need to be able to get around these road blocks and move on to what I am sure will be the next daunting tasks.